Yesterday, Lucas made an exciting discovery: he can screech in an excruciatingly high pitch, and if he does so in the general vicinity of our dog, Billy, he gets a reaction which pleases him. Billy growls and runs away. Lucas laughs. All of this was going on while I was trying to make a salad for dinner. All I wanted to do was cut up some red onions, but I sighed and had the following conversation with myself:Self 1: The kiddo is screeching at the dog.
Self 2: Ignore it. If you pay too much attention, he'll just keep it up.
Self 1: But the dog doesn't like it.
Self 2: It's not a big deal.
Self 1: But Billy might bite Lucas, and what will he learn if I let him harass the dog?
Self 2: I have to get this salad done, argh!
Self 1: Now where did that kiddo get to, anyway? (shrieking and growling from the back bedroom).
Was it Kierkegaard who said that "purity of heart is to will one thing"? (http://www.religion-online.org/showbook.asp?title=2523). Where toddler parenting is concerned, I find that willing one thing is darn near impossible. After all, in order to parent well, I must not only feed the toddler, but also myself; and in order to parent well, I must pick and choose my battles with the toddler; and in order to parent well, I must set reasonable limits on the toddler's behavior; and in order to parent well, I must MAKE THE SHRIEKING STOP!
Kierkegaard was writing about vocation and pursuing God's calling on our lives with clarity and decisiveness. But my life, as one who is called not only to church ministry but also to motherhood, is constantly pulled in many directions. Instead of willing one good thing, I find myself living every moment in the dynamic tension between many good things.
A couple of good books I've been working on recently include Also a Mother: Work and Family as Theological Dilemma and In the Midst of Chaos, both by Bonnie J. Miller-McLemore. I heaved a great sigh of relief when I read Miller-McLemore's perspective on how traditional spiritual practices of solitude and silence do not seem to be meant for people with children. I love silence and solitude, but I also love Lucas and the noisy chaos he brings into my life. Miller-McLemore believes that God is present and can be experienced in the midst of chaos, in practices of listening to children and in the tension of dual vocations.
Right now I'm not so sure. But I'm going to resist the temptation to read a few more parenting books, which often muddle me even more, and I'm going to attempt to trust The Parent of Us All to teach me how to parent peacefully. And I'm going to trust that the salads will get made, everyone will eat, Lucas will learn to respect Billy, and everyone will go to sleep tonight and wake up again tomorrow.
(Photo shows Lucas and Billy peacefully co-existing in May 2008.)
Fantastic post! We are right there wight you.
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